missin you......missin me?

i miss all my friends. especially ashley. i was hanging out with some friends tonight, including brinny. it was the first time i've been able to see her in over two weeks, you dont know how much i missed her. usually i see her a few times a week and we talk when theres free minutes, but two weeks of no communication besides a few emails sucked. i'm missing everyone right now. faith. jason. mandy. francesca. brinny. ash. melanie. joy. zena. ken. everyone that lives far away. everyone that lives close that i hardly see. everyone i'm close to. i know i left hella people out, sorry, i miss you too, i guess you just slipped my mind temporarily. everyting with ken is draining me. the doctors at kaiser tell us stuff but refuse to explain it. and looking it up....what a pain, most of the words are very hard to find logical and modern stuff on. i think it's finally hit me that hes deteriorating. he has posturing. a sign that his nervous system and brain stem are slowing going limp and lifeless. i have such writers block. i want to write, now would be the perfect time to squeeze out more for my book, all this indescribable emotion flowing. but nothings coming, its just blank. i'm stuck in the grind. going more consumed with every breath. i'm all right, it only hurts when i breathe.i know what i need: a tattoo. my next one is going to be a paw print. the inside is going to be like when the tv goes staticy but the lines wll be spaced farther apart. its going to be the outline of a paw print, symbolizing everything i've lost and will lose that will never fade from my realm of being.